Skipping church

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From: vincent9155@frontier.com <vincent9155@frontier.com>;
To: <mpmcnamara7@gmail.com>; <peggym49@rochester.rr.com>; Bartalo, Denise <denisebartalo@rochester.rr.com>; barklund, eric <ebarklund@hotmail.com>; Coburn, Tom <tcoburn@gleason.com>; Collins, Edward <ewc1957@gmail.com>; Finetti, Joseph <jcfinetti13@gmail.com>; Giorgi, Joseph <jagiorgi@rochester.rr.com>; Gray, Van <grayv08@yahoo.com>; Hart, Meg <mhart112@hotmail.com>; Kroon, Marianne <mmkroon@gmail.com>; Parker, Madolyn <madolynp1955@gmail.com>; Larry <larry_medici@frontiernet.net>; Lopata, Linda <llopata@rochester.rr.com>; Shepherd, Earl <earl.shepherd@gmail.com>; Simmons, Julie <julie.simmons@frontiernet.net>; Williams, Allen <allenkwilliams@me.com>; Wilson, Arlene <atwilson@frontiernet.net>; Wilson, Pete <plinawilson@yahoo.com>; Kearne, Mary <lkearne1@rochester.rr.com>;
Subject: Fwd: Skipping church
Sent: Fri, Sep 6, 2013 1:54:55 PM

----- Forwarded Message ----- From: "Van Alstyne" <piper2792@aol.com> To: poohmom87@yahoo.ca, cevangelista@genevafamilyymca.org, "d k hart01" <d.k.hart01@hotmail.com>, dbasile@twcny.rr.com, emonster8@gmail.com, fjbready@yahoo.com, kalmond12@gmail.com, maryott10@gmail.com, bmcfarland@mcfarlandtechnology.com, rglenski@hillside.com, tmartin1955@yahoo.com, vincent9155@frontier.com Sent: Friday, September 6, 2013 9:19:17 AM Subject: Skipping church Skipping church   Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So,he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way, he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.   Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.  After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed,  and said, "No, I guess not." Just then, Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?" =

Fw: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!

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From: vincent9155@frontier.com <vincent9155@frontier.com>;
To: Dwayne Allen <dwallen1023@yahoo.com>; Marianna Ababovic <mababovic@gmail.com>; Van Alstyne <piper2792@aol.com>; Denise Bartalo <denisebartalo@rochester.rr.com>; Carlotta <mscarly0037@gmail.com>; Meme Chatman <leahchatman@yahoo.com>; Crystal Cole <crystalvacsun@yahoo.com>; Edward Collins <ewc1957@gmail.com>; Joseph Finetti <jcfinetti13@gmail.com>; Brian Hahn <brian.hahn@rochesterymca.org>; Marianne Kroon <mmkroon@gmail.com>; Lopez <plumber1heat2@yahoo.com>; Linda Lopata <llopata@rochester.rr.com>; Madolyn Parker <madolynp1955@gmail.com>; peggym49@rochester.rr.com <peggym49@rochester.rr.com>; christie peterkin <mschris_29@yahoo.com>; Julie Simmons <julie.simmons@frontiernet.net>; Pete Wilson <plinawilson@yahoo.com>; Arlene Wilson <atwilson@frontiernet.net>; Allen Williams <allenkwilliams@me.com>;
Subject: Fw: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!
Sent: Mon, Dec 9, 2013 7:47:42 PM

----- Forwarded Message ----- From: "Coburn, Thomas M." <TCoburn@Gleason.com> To: carcob@rochester.rr.com; vincent9155@frontier.com Sent: Monday, December 9, 2013 2:16 PM Subject: FW: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD! Heard some of these before:   Thomas Coburn, PE Plant Facilities Engineer The Gleason Works Ph: 585/461-8073 Cell: 585/455-1494 tcoburn@gleason.com   From: Penny477@aol.com [mailto:Penny477@aol.com] Sent: Saturday, December 07, 2013 1:48 PM To: Ahaug@Rochester.RR.com; Coburn, Thomas M.; mddiii@frontiernet.net; russhurlbut@gmail.com; myoungjohn@gmail.com; WMHEWES@aol.com Subject: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!       From: mdambroziak@msn.com To: ali56@live.ca, audrey_leblanc2000@yahoo.com, marcel.lemarbre@sympatico.ca, carmelitamom@hotmail.com, carolyn.keithwatt@gmail.com, chadwatt@gmail.com, cole@neadow.com, chappiew1935@msn.com, nannydonnatugwood@gmail.com, eryanmacintyre@hotmail.com, grlandry@hotmail.com, glandry@rogers.com, hgpearson@bell.net, m+318i0x4o000000e0885a00002kxh05nd89nryamcv5xwun9l2a2@reply.facebook.com, jillwinpet@gmail.com, junembowman@yahoo.ca, beeboop7@rogers.com, watsonmlj@frontenac.net, mlboyd@sasktel.net, macietina@gmail.com, penny477@aol.com, brittenworld@sympatico.ca, sulston@sympatico.ca, patrick.ambroziak@forces.gc.ca, peterronnie@rogers.com, phyllisannhynes@hotmail.com, sneadow@yahoo.com, trishelford@hotmail.com Sent: 11/1/2013 11:17:47 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time Subj: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!   i thought this was so nice   Date: Fri, 1 Nov 2013 06:28:06 -0700 From: junembowman@yahoo.ca Subject: Fw: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD! To: mdambroziak@msn.com                    Priceless! God's Wife IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF    I especially liked number 5!  Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once Talked about a contest he was asked to judge.  The purpose of the Contest was to find the most caring child.       The winner was:   1.  A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.    When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'   *********************************************   2.  Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.    A little girl said, 'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted..'      'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked   another child.        'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'   ************************ *********************   3.      On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first- base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was     'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered  With a smile.     'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'     'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a Puzzled look on his face...   'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't Been up to bat yet.'   *********************** **********************   4. Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.       Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..            On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..  'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'   *********************************************   5.   An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December,  some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold.      A lady approached the young boy and said,   'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'   'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.      The lady took him by the hand, went into   the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.   She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.    By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..         She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now..'      As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her:   'Are you God's wife?'   *********************************************   SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN.   Hope this put a smile on your face it Sure did mine!                                                       ____________________________________________________________ Do THIS before eating carbs (every time) 1 EASY tip to increase fat-burning, lower blood sugar & decrease fat storage MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "thirdpartyoffers.netzero.net" claiming to be info.fixyourbloodsugar.com -- Bert Johnston 174 Hillview Dr. Peterborough, On. Ca. K9K2n2   705-745-2721   =

Fw:Jokes that can be told in church...

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From: vincent9155@frontier.com <vincent9155@frontier.com>;
To: Ricky Snell <rickysnell@yahoo.com>; Dwayne Allen <dwallen1023@yahoo.com>; Van Alstyne <piper2792@aol.com>; Carlotta <mscarly0037@gmail.com>; Mike Chabalik <mchabalik@gmail.com>; Meme Chatman <leahchatman@yahoo.com>; Elizabeth Chapman <echap2@u.brockport.edu>; Edward Collins <ewc1957@gmail.com>; Crystal Cole <crystalvacsun@yahoo.com>; Joseph Finetti <jcfinetti13@gmail.com>; Frankie <spoiledfed@aol.com>; Joseph Giorgi <jagiorgi@rochester.rr.com>; Lynnene Grant <lynnenegrant@aol.com>; Brian Hahn <brian.hahn@rochesterymca.org>; Dellana Harper <dharper381@gmail.com>; Larry <larry_medici@frontiernet.net>; Linda Lopata <llopata@rochester.rr.com>; Mary Maplewood <senecamary@yahoo.com>; Dawn Montgomery <montgomery.dawn@yahoo.com>; Madolyn Parker <madolynp1955@gmail.com>; christie peterkin <mschris_29@yahoo.com>; Jamell Ponder <jamell.ponder@gmail.com>; Randy Veness <rrveness@msn.com>; Allen Williams <allenkwilliams@me.com>; Arlene Wilson <atwilson@frontiernet.net>; Pete Wilson <plinawilson@yahoo.com>;
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Jokes that can be told in church...
Sent: Mon, Nov 25, 2013 2:44:44 AM

----- Forwarded Message ----- From: Dorrean Nelson <fastdee98@aol.com> To: Abiodun53@aol.com; herring14559.@yahooo.com; msdlores@aol.com; Erskine2nd@aol.com; hazel.payne@earthlink.net; imayes@rochester.rr.com; kenny99@yahoo.com; kdharris687@aol.com; ldramosii@gmail.com; puddin7753@yahoo.com; NLB1044@YAHOO.COM; ABSNYTHE@aol.com; pelon326@aol.com; ronaharris53@hotmail.com; vincent9155@frontier.com; stumblinend@yahoo.com Sent: Sunday, November 24, 2013 8:31 PM Subject: Fwd: Jokes that can be told in church... -----Original Message----- From: Ally Howell <ahowell8@stny.rr.com> To: Ally Howell <ahowell8@stny.rr.com> Sent: Wed, Nov 20, 2013 4:14 pm Subject: Jokes that can be told in church...     Two  boys were walking home from Sunday school   After  hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One  said to the other, 'What do you think about all  this Satan stuff? The  other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa  Claus turned out. It's  probably just your Dad.'   ~~~~~~~~~~~  Attending  a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered  to her mother, 'Why  is the bride dressed in white?''  The  mother replied, 'Because white is the color of  happiness, and  today is the happiest day of her life.' The  child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So  why is the groom wearing black?'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A  little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as  fast as she could, trying  not to be late for Bible class. As  she ran she prayed, 'Dear  Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please  don't let me be late!' While  she was running and praying, she tripped on  a curb and fell, getting  her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She  got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!  As  she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear  Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't  shove me either!'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three  boys are in the school yard bragging about their  fathers. The  first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on  a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they  give him $50.' The  second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles  a few words on piece of paper, he  calls it a song, they give him $100.' The  third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles  a few words on a piece of paper, he  calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect  all the money!'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ An  elderly woman died last month. Having  never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In  her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,  she wrote, 'They  wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I  don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A  police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What  would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He  answered, 'Call for backup.'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A  Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph  and Mary took Jesus with them to  Jerusalem  .. A  small child replied, 'They couldn't get a  baby-sitter.'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A  Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five  and six year olds. After  explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father  and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is  there a commandment that teaches us how to treat  our brothers and sisters?' Without  missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou  shall not kill..'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ At  Sunday School they were teaching how God created  everything, including human beings. Little  Johnny seemed especially intent when they told  him how  Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later  in the week his mother noticed him lying down  as though he were ill, and  she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny  responded, 'I  have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a  wife.'  ~~~~~~~~~~~~ You  don't stop laughing because you grow old.. You  grow old because you stop laughing! Take  heed and pass these along to people who need  a laugh. I  thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right  now...for all of us... so  we need something to make the day a happy place.

Fw: Fwd: Sipping vodka ... Some church humor

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From: vincent9155@frontier.com <vincent9155@frontier.com>;
To: Van Alstyne <piper2792@aol.com>; Joe B. <BAHA@rochester.rr.com>; Carlotta <mscarly0037@gmail.com>; Elizabeth Chapman <echap2@brockport.edu>; Edward Collins <ewc1957@gmail.com>; Tom Coburn <tcoburn@gleason.com>; Joseph Finetti <jcfinetti13@gmail.com>; Joseph Giorgi <jagiorgi@rochester.rr.com>; Kariem <kariem12222@yahoo.com>; Larry <larry_medici@frontiernet.net>; Dawn Montgomery <montgomery.dawn@yahoo.com>; Madolyn Parker <madolynp1955@gmail.com>; Jamell Ponder <jamell.ponder@gmail.com>; Randy Veness <rrveness@msn.com>; Joan Walker <joan.walker123@live.com>; Allen Williams <allenkwilliams@me.com>; Marion Walker <mwalker5205@frontier.com>; Pete Wilson <plinawilson@yahoo.com>; Arlene Wilson <atwilson@frontiernet.net>;
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Sipping vodka
Sent: Sun, Dec 15, 2013 1:41:53 AM

----- Forwarded Message ----- From: "jackbrady8@aol.com" <jackbrady8@aol.com> To: tjshea@yahoo.com; tonymarkulis@gmail.com; ponytail_66@yahoo.com; pdonohue01@aol.com; vincent9155@frontier.com; peet_stephen@yahoo.com; pgekas64@yahoo.com Sent: Saturday, December 14, 2013 7:05 PM Subject: Fwd: Sipping vodka Jack -----Original Message----- From: Harold Fields <harpat504@msn.com> Sent: Sat, Dec 14, 2013 4:37 pm Subject: Fw: Fwd: FW: Sipping vodka                        SIPPING VODKA This is too funny - I still have tears in my eyes!  Finally, a chain letter that I don't mind forwarding. It's funny (don't break chain) A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.  After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.." So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice..  At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink..  He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1)  Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2)  There are 10 commandments, not 12.. 3)  There are 12 disciples, not 10... 4)  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5)  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6)  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.. 7)  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8)  David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.. 9)  When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)  We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.' 11)  When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.."   He did not say,"Eat me." 12)  The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'. 13)  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. The Origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.  The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck. Do not keep this letter.  Do not send money.   Just forward it to twelve of your friends to whom you wish good luck and a great laugh.  You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken

Word For The Day - December 16, 2013

The Good Samaritan

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.  - Luke 10:27
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I DECLARE that I will live as a healer.

I am sensitive to the needs of those around
me. I will lift the fallen, restore the
broken, and encourage the discouraged.
I am full of compassion and kindness.
I won't just look for a miracle; I will
Become someone's miracle by showing
God's love and mercy everywhere I go.
This is my declaration.
------------------------------------
 
You're never more like God than when you help hurting people. One of our assignments in life is to help wipe away       the tears. Are you sensitive to the needs of those around   you?  Your friends?  Your neighbors?  Your coworkers? 
 
Many times behind the pretty smile, behind the Sun­day praise, there is a person who's hurting. She's alone. His life is in turmoil. When someone is struggling, reach out. Be a healer. Be a restorer.
 
Take time to wipe away the tears.  Your job is not to judge. Your job is not to figure out if    someone deserves something, or to decide who is right or who is wrong. Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the       broken, and to heal the hurting.
 
Too often we become focused on our own goals, our own dreams, and how we can get our miracle. But I've learned something that is more important: I can become some­one's miracle. There is healing in your hands. There's healing in
your voice. You are a container filled with God. Right now you are full of encouragement, full of mercy, full of restoration, full of healing. Everywhere you go you should   dispense the goodness of God.
 
If you get around me you'd better get ready. You will     be encouraged. You may have made mistakes but I will    tell you: God's mercy is bigger than any mistake you've    made. You may have wasted years of your life making poor   choices, but I will tell you God still has a way to carry you to your final destination.
 
You may have had an addiction since you were a teenager. But I will let you know that the power of the Most High God can break any addiction and set you free. That's what it means to dispense good. You lift the fallen. You encourage the discouraged. You take time to wipe away the tears.
 
Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan who was riding his donkey and he saw a man on the side of the road beaten and left for dead. He put him on his donkey and took him to a place where he could recover. I love the fact that the Good Samaritan walked so the injured man could ride. Sometimes you may have to trade places with someone who is hurting. You must be willing to be inconvenienced.
 

You may have to miss dinner in order to wipe away a tear.       You may have to skip working out one night in order to encourage a struggling couple. You may have to drive across town and pick up a coworker who is addicted and     take him to church with you on Sunday. If you want to live as a healer, you must be willing to change places with those who are hurting.