Thursday, December 19, 2013

Skipping church

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

From: <>;
To: <>; <>; Bartalo, Denise <>; barklund, eric <>; Coburn, Tom <>; Collins, Edward <>; Finetti, Joseph <>; Giorgi, Joseph <>; Gray, Van <>; Hart, Meg <>; Kroon, Marianne <>; Parker, Madolyn <>; Larry <>; Lopata, Linda <>; Shepherd, Earl <>; Simmons, Julie <>; Williams, Allen <>; Wilson, Arlene <>; Wilson, Pete <>; Kearne, Mary <>;
Subject: Fwd: Skipping church
Sent: Fri, Sep 6, 2013 1:54:55 PM

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: "Van Alstyne" <>
To:,, "d k hart01" <>,,,,,,,,,
Sent: Friday, September 6, 2013 9:19:17 AM
Subject: Skipping church

Skipping church


Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So,he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way, he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.


Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.  After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed,  and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then, Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.


St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"


Fw: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

From: <>;
To: Dwayne Allen <>; Marianna Ababovic <>; Van Alstyne <>; Denise Bartalo <>; Carlotta <>; Meme Chatman <>; Crystal Cole <>; Edward Collins <>; Joseph Finetti <>; Brian Hahn <>; Marianne Kroon <>; Lopez <>; Linda Lopata <>; Madolyn Parker <>; <>; christie peterkin <>; Julie Simmons <>; Pete Wilson <>; Arlene Wilson <>; Allen Williams <>;
Subject: Fw: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!
Sent: Mon, Dec 9, 2013 7:47:42 PM

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: "Coburn, Thomas M." <>
Sent: Monday, December 9, 2013 2:16 PM
Subject: FW: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!
Heard some of these before:
Thomas Coburn, PE
Plant Facilities Engineer
The Gleason Works
Ph: 585/461-8073
Cell: 585/455-1494
From: []
Sent: Saturday, December 07, 2013 1:48 PM
To:; Coburn, Thomas M.;;;;
Subject: {Disarmed} Fwd: FW: THIS EMAIL IS GOLD!
i thought this was so nice
Date: Fri, 1 Nov 2013 06:28:06 -0700
God's Wife
I especially liked number 5!
 Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once
Talked about a contest he was asked to judge. 
The purpose of the
Contest was to find the most caring child.
    The winner was:
1.  A four-year-old child, whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old
Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
   When his mother asked him what he had
said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just
Helped him cry.'
2.  Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were
discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture
had a different hair color than the other members. One of her
students suggested that he was adopted.
   A little girl said, 'I know all about
Adoption, I was adopted..'
   'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked
  another child.
     'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew
in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'
************************ *********************
3.      On my way home one day, I stopped to
watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-
base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
    'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered 
With a smile.
  'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you
don't look very discouraged.'
  'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a
Puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't
Been up to bat yet.'
*********************** **********************
4. Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot
in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.
    Jamie was trying out for a part in the
school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being
in it, though she feared he would not be chosen..
        On the day the parts were awarded, I went
with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her,
eyes shining with pride and excitement..  'Guess what, Mom,' he
shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
5.   An eye witness account from New York
City , on a cold day in December, 
some years ago: A little boy,
about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the
roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
With cold.
   A lady approached the young boy and said,
  'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of
shoes,' was the boy's reply.
   The lady took him by the hand, went into
  the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks
for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water
and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back
part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed
his little feet, and dried them with the towel. 
By this time, the clerk had returned with
the socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him
a pair of shoes..
      She tied up the remaining pairs of socks
and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No
doubt, you will be more comfortable now..'
   As she turned to go, the astonished kid
caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
in his eyes, asked her:

  'Are you God's wife?'
  Hope this put a smile on your face it
Sure did mine!

Fw:Jokes that can be told in church...

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

From: <>;
To: Ricky Snell <>; Dwayne Allen <>; Van Alstyne <>; Carlotta <>; Mike Chabalik <>; Meme Chatman <>; Elizabeth Chapman <>; Edward Collins <>; Crystal Cole <>; Joseph Finetti <>; Frankie <>; Joseph Giorgi <>; Lynnene Grant <>; Brian Hahn <>; Dellana Harper <>; Larry <>; Linda Lopata <>; Mary Maplewood <>; Dawn Montgomery <>; Madolyn Parker <>; christie peterkin <>; Jamell Ponder <>; Randy Veness <>; Allen Williams <>; Arlene Wilson <>; Pete Wilson <>;
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Jokes that can be told in church...
Sent: Mon, Nov 25, 2013 2:44:44 AM

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Dorrean Nelson <>
To:;;;;;;;;;; NLB1044@YAHOO.COM;;;;;
Sent: Sunday, November 24, 2013 8:31 PM
Subject: Fwd: Jokes that can be told in church...

-----Original Message-----
From: Ally Howell <>
To: Ally Howell <>
Sent: Wed, Nov 20, 2013 4:14 pm
Subject: Jokes that can be told in church...

  Two  boys were walking home from Sunday school
  After  hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One  said to the other, 'What do you think about
all  this Satan stuff?
The  other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa  Claus turned out.
It's  probably just your Dad.'


Attending  a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered  to her mother,
'Why  is the bride dressed in white?''  The  mother replied, 'Because white is the color
of  happiness,
and  today is the happiest day of her life.'
The  child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So  why is the groom wearing black?'

A  little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running
as  fast as she could,
trying  not to be late for Bible class.
As  she ran she prayed,
'Dear  Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please  don't let me be late!'
While  she was running and praying, she tripped
on  a curb and fell,
getting  her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She  got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!  As  she ran she once again began to pray,
'Dear  Lord, please don't let me be late...But please
don't  shove me either!'

Three  boys are in the school yard bragging about
their  fathers.
The  first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on  a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,
they  give him $50.'
The  second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles  a few words on piece of paper,
he  calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The  third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles  a few words on a piece of paper,
he  calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect  all the money!'

An  elderly woman died last month.
Having  never married, she requested no male
In  her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service,  she wrote,
'They  wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I  don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

A  police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What  would you do if you had to arrest your own
He  answered, 'Call for backup.'

A  Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph  and Mary took Jesus with them to
  Jerusalem  ..
A  small child replied, 'They couldn't get a  baby-sitter.'

A  Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five  and six year olds.
After  explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy
father  and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is  there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat  our brothers and sisters?'
Without  missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou  shall not kill..'

At  Sunday School they were teaching how God
created  everything, including human beings.
Little  Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told  him
how  Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later  in the week his mother noticed him lying
down  as though he were ill,
and  she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little
Johnny  responded,
'I  have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have
a  wife.'

You  don't stop laughing because you grow old..
You  grow old because you stop laughing!
Take  heed and pass these along to people who
need  a laugh.
I  thought you would enjoy this....times are tough
right  now...for all of us...
so  we need something to make the day a happy

Fw: Fwd: Sipping vodka ... Some church humor

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

From: <>;
To: Van Alstyne <>; Joe B. <>; Carlotta <>; Elizabeth Chapman <>; Edward Collins <>; Tom Coburn <>; Joseph Finetti <>; Joseph Giorgi <>; Kariem <>; Larry <>; Dawn Montgomery <>; Madolyn Parker <>; Jamell Ponder <>; Randy Veness <>; Joan Walker <>; Allen Williams <>; Marion Walker <>; Pete Wilson <>; Arlene Wilson <>;
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Sipping vodka
Sent: Sun, Dec 15, 2013 1:41:53 AM

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: "" <>
Sent: Saturday, December 14, 2013 7:05 PM
Subject: Fwd: Sipping vodka
-----Original Message----- From: Harold Fields <> Sent: Sat, Dec 14, 2013 4:37 pm Subject: Fw: Fwd: FW: Sipping vodka



This is too funny - I still have tears in my eyes!  Finally, a chain letter that I don't mind forwarding.
It's funny (don't break chain)
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.  After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice..  At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink..  He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)  Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)  There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3)  There are 12 disciples, not 10...
4)  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6)  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7)  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8)  David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9)  When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)  We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)  When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.."   He did not say,"Eat me."
12)  The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13)  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.  The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck.
Do not keep this letter.  Do not send money.   Just forward it to twelve of your friends to whom you wish good luck and a great laugh.  You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken

Monday, December 16, 2013

Word For The Day - December 16, 2013

The Good Samaritan

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.  - Luke 10:27

I DECLARE that I will live as a healer.

I am sensitive to the needs of those around
me. I will lift the fallen, restore the
broken, and encourage the discouraged.
I am full of compassion and kindness.
I won't just look for a miracle; I will
Become someone's miracle by showing
God's love and mercy everywhere I go.
This is my declaration.
You're never more like God than when you help hurting people. One of our assignments in life is to help wipe away       the tears. Are you sensitive to the needs of those around   you?  Your friends?  Your neighbors?  Your coworkers? 
Many times behind the pretty smile, behind the Sun­day praise, there is a person who's hurting. She's alone. His life is in turmoil. When someone is struggling, reach out. Be a healer. Be a restorer.
Take time to wipe away the tears.  Your job is not to judge. Your job is not to figure out if    someone deserves something, or to decide who is right or who is wrong. Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the       broken, and to heal the hurting.
Too often we become focused on our own goals, our own dreams, and how we can get our miracle. But I've learned something that is more important: I can become some­one's miracle. There is healing in your hands. There's healing in
your voice. You are a container filled with God. Right now you are full of encouragement, full of mercy, full of restoration, full of healing. Everywhere you go you should   dispense the goodness of God.
If you get around me you'd better get ready. You will     be encouraged. You may have made mistakes but I will    tell you: God's mercy is bigger than any mistake you've    made. You may have wasted years of your life making poor   choices, but I will tell you God still has a way to carry you to your final destination.
You may have had an addiction since you were a teenager. But I will let you know that the power of the Most High God can break any addiction and set you free. That's what it means to dispense good. You lift the fallen. You encourage the discouraged. You take time to wipe away the tears.
Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan who was riding his donkey and he saw a man on the side of the road beaten and left for dead. He put him on his donkey and took him to a place where he could recover. I love the fact that the Good Samaritan walked so the injured man could ride. Sometimes you may have to trade places with someone who is hurting. You must be willing to be inconvenienced.

You may have to miss dinner in order to wipe away a tear.       You may have to skip working out one night in order to encourage a struggling couple. You may have to drive across town and pick up a coworker who is addicted and     take him to church with you on Sunday. If you want to live as a healer, you must be willing to change places with those who are hurting.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Word For The Day - November 21, 2013

The Begat-itudes
Read:  Matthew
1:1-17 <;version=NIV>
Jesus looked at [the disciples] and said, "With God all things are possible."  - Matthew 19:26
Audio:  Matthew 1 <>
Bible In One Year:  Ezekiel
16-17; James 3 <;search=Ezekiel+16-17%3b+James+3>
There they are, in the first chapter of Matthew's Gospel, all 44 of them - some tall, some short, some Jewish, some Gentile, some righteous, some not. But one thing in particular united them all: they were all in the lineage of Jesus.
How can that be? One is even from Moab! One is an adulterer and murderer! And what about that Canaanite prostitute? She's there too. So what does all this tell us? Surely God can use anyone to accomplish God's perfect will.
This powerful truth tells me that I do not have to be tall to be useful to God. I do not have to be strong or attractive to be chosen for work in God's kingdom. I don't even have to be exceptionally smart.

If I trust and obey, God can do anything through me. May we all strive to live for Jesus and not ourselves so that our lives will clearly say, "My God can do anything through anyone, because my God is Lord of all!"


Guess who now is a Christian?





Friday, November 15, 2013



OPEN YOUR HANDS and your heart to receive this day as a precious gift from Me. I begin each day with a sunrise, announcing My radiant Presence. By the time you rise from your bed, I have already prepared the way before you. I eagerly await your first conscious thought. I rejoice when you glance My way.


Bring me the gift of thanksgiving, which opens your heart to rich communion with Me. Because I am God, from whom all blessing flow, thankfulness is the best way to draw near Me. Sing praise songs to Me; tell of My wondrous works. Remember that I take great delight in you; I rejoice over you with singing.

Psalm 118:24; Psalm 95:2; Zephaniah 3:17





Monday, November 4, 2013

"He Gives What You Need"

Prayer for Today:

Father, thank You for being my Source and Supply. I declare that my trust and hope is in You. I choose to rest in You knowing that You have provided everything I need for today in Jesus’ name. Amen.


And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus...Philippians 4:19, NIV.


In Second Samuel Chapter 12, David had gotten off course. The prophet Nathan was correcting him. In doing so, he reminded David of what God had brought him through. David had seen God’s goodness, favor, protection, finances and healing down through the years. And in verse 8, Nathan made an interesting statement. He said, “David, if it had not been enough, God would have given you much, much more.” In other words, “David, looking back over your life, if you were ever lacking, if you ever needed more wisdom, more favor, more protection, more finances, God would have given it to you.”


That tells us that we have what we need right now in order to fulfill our destiny.


The moment that what you have becomes not enough is the moment that God will give you more.


The moment something starts to keep you from your destiny, the moment it begins to stop God’s plan for your life is the moment God will show up and intervene on your behalf.


Today, be encouraged that you have what you need, and what you need tomorrow is on its way! God is faithful and gives you what you need to fulfill His purposes.



He Makes all Things New.....Revelation 21:5


Warren Buffet's idea


Warren Buffet's idea


Salary of retired US Presidents . . . . . . . . . . . $180,000 FOR LIFE  

Salary of House/Senate members . . . . . . . . $174,000 FOR LIFE This is stupid

Salary of Speaker of the House . . . . . . . . . . $223,500 FOR LIFE This is really stupid

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders . . . . . . . . $193,400 FOR LIFE Ditto last line

Average Salary of a teacher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $40,065

Average Salary of a deployed Soldier . . . . . . . $38,000


I think we found where the cuts should be made! If you agree pass it on, I just did.


Warren Buffet, in a recent interview with CNBC, offers one of the best quotes about the debt ceiling:


"I could end the deficit in 5 minutes," he told CNBC. "You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election.


Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on their address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.


In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one idea that really should be passed around.


Congressional Reform Act of 2013


1. No Tenure / No Pension.


A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they're out of office.


2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.


All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.


3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.


4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.


5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.


6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.


7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 12/1/13. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women.


Congress made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.


If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take three days for most people (in the U.S.) to receive the message. Don't you think it's time?




If you agree, pass it on. If not, delete.

You are one of my 20+ - Please keep it going, and thanks